How I wish I could play guitar …. (sigh)
For those who don’t already know, let’s just say that I’m a Dire Straits fan. Unlike some, I do not class myself in the ‘hardcore’ fan category and a portrait of Mark Knopfler is not affixed to my bedroom ceiling. In actuality, I know very little of the man aside from the fact that he’s an exceptional guitarist.
Speaking generally, women seem to take a much greater interest in a man if he’s artistically inclined. Poetry and writing may not suffice, however, unless you’re dating a literary academic in her mid-50s. It’s music which proves most captivating to the female of the species, acting as an almost infallible lure – albeit of the auditory kind. Others have suggested a double-choc coated Tim Tam at the end of a string, but some women may well find that demeaning.
It’s not just the supposed interest of women in guitar-playing men that makes me wish I could play, although Toni Braxton proved rather persuasive which she sang “I wish that I was in your arms like that Spanish guitar, and you’d play me all night long till the dawn”. I like the fact that it’s a versatile instrument, capable of being utilised for a number of styles from folk to jazz to rock. Also, if imbued with the ability to play guitar, I may well become a more interesting person.
The fact remains that I have few interests outside of work. Well, I do but they’re mostly academic and normally have some correlation with my professional interests. Few women would so much as look in my direction if I explained my passion for continuous disclosure provisions, socially responsible investment, codification of the natural justice rules in statute, taxation of cross-border transactions etc. Yes, riveting stuff isn’t it?
I do some others interests of course – contemporary English literature, creative writing, satire, travelling, exotic coffee blends, snooker etc. However, few of these involve any degree of ‘performance’. As you are no doubt aware, assuming you watch Discovery Channel, the female in most bird species has to ‘approve’ of a show performed by the suitor prior to engaging in any mating ritual. This often involves a display of plumage, but extends further to actual ‘bird calls’ – which can be quite musical in nature.
So, it follows that if I wish to attract a decent bird, I may well need to put on something of a show. A tutorial in ASX Listing Rules will probably be regarded with some disdain, as would a lengthy essay (written in the ‘magical realism’ style of Ben Okri) declaring my unabashed love and affection. BUT, what about an acoustic performance on a 12-string? Success is next to guaranteed with each note you strike. You don’t even have to be particularly gifted or talented. It may well suffice to learn a few different songs, become technically proficient at playing them, practice emotive facial expressions in front of a mirror (in striving for a particularly tricky or high note, just make the same face as for when you’re having difficulty passing wind), and make sure your nails are well manicured.
It doesn’t sound so hard, but the fact remains that I cannot read music, nor can I be bothered at this late stage in my life. It’s as difficult and troublesome as learning a new language, although some may disagree. Having come from something of a Middle Eastern background, I do not see myself as being particularly musically orientated. It seems to take too much disciple, dedication and practice over time. If only I could devise some way of downloading scores of music lessons into my brain using a stock-standard cable internet connection …..
Oh well, stuff it … I’ll just pay for se .. err .. music lessons like everyone else.
For those who don’t already know, let’s just say that I’m a Dire Straits fan. Unlike some, I do not class myself in the ‘hardcore’ fan category and a portrait of Mark Knopfler is not affixed to my bedroom ceiling. In actuality, I know very little of the man aside from the fact that he’s an exceptional guitarist.
Speaking generally, women seem to take a much greater interest in a man if he’s artistically inclined. Poetry and writing may not suffice, however, unless you’re dating a literary academic in her mid-50s. It’s music which proves most captivating to the female of the species, acting as an almost infallible lure – albeit of the auditory kind. Others have suggested a double-choc coated Tim Tam at the end of a string, but some women may well find that demeaning.
It’s not just the supposed interest of women in guitar-playing men that makes me wish I could play, although Toni Braxton proved rather persuasive which she sang “I wish that I was in your arms like that Spanish guitar, and you’d play me all night long till the dawn”. I like the fact that it’s a versatile instrument, capable of being utilised for a number of styles from folk to jazz to rock. Also, if imbued with the ability to play guitar, I may well become a more interesting person.
The fact remains that I have few interests outside of work. Well, I do but they’re mostly academic and normally have some correlation with my professional interests. Few women would so much as look in my direction if I explained my passion for continuous disclosure provisions, socially responsible investment, codification of the natural justice rules in statute, taxation of cross-border transactions etc. Yes, riveting stuff isn’t it?
I do some others interests of course – contemporary English literature, creative writing, satire, travelling, exotic coffee blends, snooker etc. However, few of these involve any degree of ‘performance’. As you are no doubt aware, assuming you watch Discovery Channel, the female in most bird species has to ‘approve’ of a show performed by the suitor prior to engaging in any mating ritual. This often involves a display of plumage, but extends further to actual ‘bird calls’ – which can be quite musical in nature.
So, it follows that if I wish to attract a decent bird, I may well need to put on something of a show. A tutorial in ASX Listing Rules will probably be regarded with some disdain, as would a lengthy essay (written in the ‘magical realism’ style of Ben Okri) declaring my unabashed love and affection. BUT, what about an acoustic performance on a 12-string? Success is next to guaranteed with each note you strike. You don’t even have to be particularly gifted or talented. It may well suffice to learn a few different songs, become technically proficient at playing them, practice emotive facial expressions in front of a mirror (in striving for a particularly tricky or high note, just make the same face as for when you’re having difficulty passing wind), and make sure your nails are well manicured.
It doesn’t sound so hard, but the fact remains that I cannot read music, nor can I be bothered at this late stage in my life. It’s as difficult and troublesome as learning a new language, although some may disagree. Having come from something of a Middle Eastern background, I do not see myself as being particularly musically orientated. It seems to take too much disciple, dedication and practice over time. If only I could devise some way of downloading scores of music lessons into my brain using a stock-standard cable internet connection …..
Oh well, stuff it … I’ll just pay for se .. err .. music lessons like everyone else.
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